This month started off with Elisha falling down the basement stairs and a trip to the emergency room. After 2 hours of being in the ER they said she was just fine and walked away with only a few little scratches on her belly. I told my husband that "God must have something BIG planned for our kids because the two we already have had so many things happen to them where they should have been seriously injured and have only walked away with minor bumps and bruises." After getting home from the ER I started having sharp pains in my right side. I could breathe and any movements I made made it hurt worse. After suffering for five hours with no relief from tylenol, a warm shower, drinking lots of water, and rest, I finally called the OB on call. He told me it sounded like a gall bladder attack. He also said that I was already doing all the right things that I could be doing at home and if I went in to get checked out all they would do is give me pain medication and send me home. Right when I hung up the phone with the OB Dave got home from work and I told him what was going on and he said that if I wanted to go get checked out that he would take me. I really didn't want to spend more time in the ER than I already had that day, plus I didn't want to be taking perscription pain medication while pregnant. So I decided to tough it out. Dave left for men's group and I stayed home with the kids just resting on the couch as much as possible. Around 8pm that night the pain got so bad I ended up crying out in pain to the Lord. I eventually dried up my tears got up and gave the kids their baths and got their jammies on. Dave got home shortly after that and said that the men had been praying for me. Around 10:30pm I felt the pain start to disappear and by the time I woke up the next morning the pain was completely gone. And now writing this I have still not felt any pain.
About a week after Elisha fell down the stairs I was cleaning out the car for a friend to use and the kids were playing in the back seat. I turned my back for a moment and AJ decided to open the car door that Elisha was leaning against. She fell out and hit her face on the driveway causing her to almost bite through her lip and cause one of her teeth to be offset. I took her to the dentist and they said she damaged some of the muscle fibers that hold her teeth in place but it looked like she would make a full recovery. Thank you Jesus.
Today during church Pastor talked about people needing to make sure their heart is right. I pray that
all that I do brings Glory to God and that I don't let myself get in the way of what He is trying to accomplish through Nathaniel's story.
The first OB appointment of this month we met with another doctor (there are five of them and it depends on who is on-call is who will deliver the baby.) This doctor asked if we had set a c-section date yet. We told him that all the other doctors had told us that it would not be needed. This doctor seemed confused by this he said he would rather we not have one either but with how controlled the situation has to be (bypass machine, surgeons ready, etc.) that a c-section might be best. He said he would talk to the other doctors and they would let me know.
When Mother's Day came around it brought an array of emotions. I was so thankful to be a mom and have two beautiful healthy children and on the other hand I was struggling inside with all that was going on with Nathan. I still have hope and I still believe that God can and will preform a miracle it is just the human part of me that wants to be "prepared" for what is coming no matter which way God decides. A couple days later a lady from church called me and said she was talking with the receptionist at one of her stores and the lady just happened to mention that her granddaughter was going in for surgery in a couple of days. My friend asked her what the surgery was for and the lady responded "she was born with half a heart." They started talking and my friend told her she knew someone who was getting ready to go through the same thing. The lady gave my friend her daughters number for her to pass on to us so that Dave and I could reach out to them if we felt the need. She also wrote down a website for people who have friends and family members going through serious illnesses to communicate and build eachother up.
A few days later I had a bit of a scare and was told by the on-call nurse to go to Labor and Delievery to get it checked out. This was terrifying to me. I was home with the kids Dave was at work and I didn't know where to start. I had to get the kids dressed, call Dave and tell him what was going on and what I was told to do, and find someone to watch the kids. I made a few phone calls and everyone seemed to be busy and Dave and I decided he shouldn't leave work yet because he has already missed so much for doctors appointments and with more on the way it was just best. Finally I was able to arrange for a neighbor to come to the house and sit with the kids. At first when I got in the truck and was making my way to the hospital I was ok, a lil nervous, but ok. It seems the closer I got to the hospital the more I began to shake. Trying to find a parking spot I began to cry. Walking through the parking garage and making my way through the maze they call a hospital to the Labor and Delievery floor I was trying to calm myself down and fight back the tears. I was so upset that I could not even read the clock right next to me to write down my check in time. This whole thing was making it seem so real to me that this is all really going to happen. If not today very shortly. I know I had many people praying for me while I was going through this as well as trying to keep my focus on God and believe that He was taking care of it all. At first the nurse I had was really crabby and made me almost cry. After explaining to her the full extent of why I was there and why I was so worried she had a change of heart and became very understanding. About three hours of monitoring the doctor assured me that everything was ok and they sent me home. One of my close friends afterwards told me that God probably allowed that to happen so that when the real time came I would be better prepared for what I was getting into. I am so thankful that He has been putting strong women of God in my life just when I need a reassuring word because I am so wound up in what is going on that I am not hearing it from Him myself.
Had another OB appointment toward the end of the month. Again, saw yet another OB and the way she talked it sounded as if it was going to be a c-section but they are not going to set a date until we get the results of the next ultrasound, the next cardiologist appointment, and a couple non-stress tests to see how all is going. I was also advised to set the appointment for my amnio.
The song that is really helping me get through my days right now is "He said" by Group 1 Crew. The words say " I won't give you more, more than you can take, and I might let you bend, but I won't let you break, and know I'll never let you go." God is right there with me going through this and He will not give me more than I can handle.
It sounds wierd to tell people that "the only thing wrong with Nathan, is that he has half a heart." In the beginning of this journey, that simple phrase sent my world crashing down, because it wasn't just half a heart, there was this possibility and that one, that something else could be linked to his condition, and he could have even more problems, Thank you Lord that none of that was the case.
In my men's group we are going through a Chip Ingram series called R12, its a study on Romans 12. Which by the way is a very good series that I would recommend any small group doing. Through this series I, probably others but I can't speak for them, am learning to REALLY open up, that it's ok to be vulnerable. The main focus thus far of this study is that the REAL YOU, meets REAL NEEDS, for the RIGHT REASONS, in the RIGHT WAY.
Through all this I find that when someone asks me, "how I'm doing?" I'll tell them. I no longer just say, "good," but I'll sit there and talk thier ears off. A good friend of mine asked me the other night how things were going. I though for a minute, then it seems like out of nowhere, I just started talking about anything and everything I was involved in, this friend seems to have that effect on me. We talked about work, family, ministry and eventually we got to the topic of Nathan. I found myself opening up and admitting that as of now I find it's easy to hold it together, because all of the appointments seem to be all the same up until now, nothing new, praise God, Nathan is growing normally, heart rate is good... But after the "scare" we had earlier this month, it all got real, really quick. I admitted that when the time comes for Nathan to join us, I'm probably going to be a royal mess.
So many things, worries, concerns try to steal our focus from WHO GOD IS, and WHAT HE IS DOING through all of this. The same can be said for all of us in everyday life, the important thing to remember is that the only thing that counts is our relationship with Christ, that we love, trust and obey Him. Everything else will burn, it has no eternal value.
Lord help us to keep our focus on You, oh God. Forgive when we loose track of who you are and begin to worry. We try to figure things out in our flesh and it seems that all we do is get scared and make a mess of things, forgive us for trying to your job Lord. Your grace is sufficient for my family and I, its your grace that has brought us safe this far and I thank you Lord that you haven't brought us here just to leave us on our own, you will see us through this season. Lord I pray that you would bless all who take time to read the story of what you're doing through us, Lord you said if you be lifted up you would draw all men unto you. God there are so many of our friends and family who need you Jesus, as we give you the glory and praise and lift the name of Jesus higher, may you begin to draw them unto you Lord. In the mighty and matchless name of Jesus...Amen.