Tuesday, June 19, 2012

June 10-16


Sunday was a good day. Before service the Holy Spirit was definatly moving. During worship when we got the the song "Healer" I began to break down. Then a little girl at our church, who the doctors say the white matter around her brain is disappearing and there is nothing they can do (we know they don't have the last say in that), went up front and began to sing the line "nothing is impossible for You, nothing is impossible, nothing is impossible for You, You hold my world in Your hand." Hearing that the tears began to pour down my cheeks as all I could think about was Nathan standing up there someday singing that same thing as a praise report.

Monday back to the Perinatologist for another round of NST and an ultrasound to check fluid levels. On the way there I was stressing out a little bit about finances with everything going on. When I pulled up to a parking meter put my truck in park and got out to put change in I saw that whoever pulled out of that spot had left about an hour and 10 minutes worth of time in the meter so I didn't need to put as much money into the meter. Than you Lord for reminding me that You will take care of us.

Tuesday while Dave was at Men's group the kids and I went for a short walk down the block to get them out of the house. The weather has been horrible so they have been cooped up in the house. We stopped for a while at our neighbors house and her and I had a great talk. She has had multiple high risk pregnancys all of which have ended without problems but it is still nice to have someone to talk to about everything. After talking to her I was thinking to myself (which is not the best sometimes) that when Nathan gets here and Dave follows him to the NICU for his testing I won't be able to be there for my husband when he needs me. I know that he will have family there but it is MY job to be there for him (our job to be there for each other but I told him he had to follow Nathan). I know this situation is different then most because I will not be able to be there because of my own health at that moment. I had to remind myself that the nurses assured me that as soon as I am cleared by the doctor (hopefully soon after having him) they will take me to where he is via wheelchair. I know that I will be able to be there as soon as I can for my family. The neighbor also told me that it is ok if we need alone time when Dave and I are finally able to be together up on the NICU floor. She said that people will want to be there for us but should understand if we need a few minutes to be there together and cry/pray/whatever it is we need to do at that moment. I pray that I will have the wisdom to know what we all need at that moment.

Thursday I had a weekly OB appointment and NST. The NST went really well. We actually ran out of tape and when the doctor came in and looked he said that we got in 18 out of 20 minutes worth of readings and in that amount of time he did more than enough movements and Nathans heart rated changed enough that he was not worried about it. Then the doctor sat down and we began talking about delievery day and how he had been talking with all of  my other doctors and in our specific situation they all together agreed that it would be best to induce. He asked when my Amnio was set for and I told him. He said "ok and we are checking lung maturity on that day?" I said " Yes and how longdoes it take to get those results back?" He:"within a couple hours and if the lungs are mature enough we will induce as soon as those results come in." Me:"You mean like same day?" He:"Yes". WOW it hit me. That is in 10 days!!! Then he looked at the paperwork and said "oh, wait, we are checking for any chromosomal defects also right?" I said " Yes" then he said "well then that will take a little bit longer to get those results back but probably same day we get those back we will be calling you in to induce." WHAT?? WOW!! IT'S ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN. We then talked about how long those results would take to get back and he said he wasn't sure that I would have to ask the doctor doing that procedure how long his lab will take. So now we are looking at the first part of July. This was all a lot to take in. I immediatly text my husband and told him doctor said induce and that's the final say. Of course because he wasn't there to ask questions he was asking me all kinds of things
going through his mind. I answered as much as possible but until I see the Perinatologist next week I will not know anymore than that. And even after that appointment I STILL will not have a SET date because it all depends on how long it takes to get the results and what the results say.

The end of this week I had to keep reminding myself that communication is going to be very important for Dave and I. We are getting down to the end, things are becoming more and more real and if we are going to make it through we are going to have to keep the lines of communication
wide open. All the emotions are going through my mind right now.


Missy and I decided that the remaining appointments, minus the Amnio that I will attend, I will be missing, and remaining at work due to the fact that when Nathan arrives there is a chance that I may miss alot of work.

The remaining weeks  don't seem so far away in reality. It hit me the other day just how quickly Nathan will be here, one way or another, induced or come by God saying he's ready.

There are all sorts of emotions going through me right now. Everything from scared, nervous to being very excited in anticipation for Nathan finally coming. Above all of this we are finding great peace in the Lord, and in Him alone do I trust. My flesh may rise up and the enemy can try to steal my focus but I know that Jesus will see me through this storm as lond as I keep my focus on Him.

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