March part I

DADDY:
The following is something that was layed on my heart this month in the form of a poem:

The Day I Met Nathaniel Ethan

I met my son the other day, and an undescribable Joy overwhelmed me
The doctors say he has half a heart,
But they don't know that You work to completion,
and have known Nathan from before the start.
As the measure of my faith is put to the test,
I stand on Your promises, and lean on Your everlasting arms for rest.
They ask me how I'm doing, they say "I'm sorry" and that they will pray.
Yet when I open my mouthto speak, they're preplexed by what I have to say.
I have a Joy thats unspeakable and a peace that's beyond all understanding,
I have You to thank oh my Lord, because it's by Your wounds we have healing.
God, You've revealed to me what Nathan will accomplish for Your glory
With a beginning testimony like his, I know his life is going to be quite a story.
Father I thank You for my son,
I have the authority to speak life into him, because on the cross You said it is done.
In the name of Jesus, nothing missing, nothing broken...

"In Christ alone, my hope is found,
He is my Light, my Strength, my Song...
What Heights of LOVE, what DEPTHS OF PEACE
when fears are STILLED, when strivings CEASE, my COMFORTER, my ALL IN ALL
here in the LOVE of Christ I STAND!"




MOMMY:
March was another busy month.
The first part of the month we were instructed to meet with a Genetic Counselor to talk about different tests we can run. During the conversation with her we also went through all of our family history and genetics to see if we could determine what caused all of this. We were unable to find anywhere in our family histories or genetics that would cause this. Right after meeting with the GC we went in for an ultrasound, they said this would be a common occurance now, with a meeting with the Perinatologist to follow all of the other parts of Nathan. We were told that with this heart condition they usually see either missing or misplaced organs in the rest of the body. When the ultrasound was complete they said that as far as they could tell all the organs were where they belonged. Then they said that they noticed he only had a two vessel umbelical cord not a three vessel cord like normal babies they assured us it is common but it could be a sign of Downsyndrome (if he has DS they said they would not do surgery because those babies usually don't survive this kind of surgery). After the Perinatologist left the Genetic Counselor came back in and said by the way our boy is growing she highly doubts that he has DS. The possibility of all of this upset me. I was trying to hold back the tears as we left the hospital that day and the 24 hours that followed. I know my God is BIGGER than this and He can reach down whenever He wants and make Nathan whole. My down fall is I am trying to "prepare" myself for the worst when what I need to be doing is focus on TODAY and what I have and be thankful that I get to enjoy everything I have right now. Thank you Lord. A few days later a lady from church asked me for an update because she remembered that I had an appointment earlier in the week. I told her about what the doctor had said about the two vessel cord and how they say it can be a sign for DS. She looked at me with her six month old son on her lap and said he had a two vessel cord and the doctors never said anything to her about the chances of that. That little bit of information from her helped me recharge. Because I was struggling with that information I believe God sent her to me at that moment to calm my fears. Talking with another friend she said I sounded "full of hope" for someone going through a situation like ours when most people would be so full of dispair. All I could say was "God's got it."

One day I was getting ready to leave for the grocery store with our two children and suddenly a song came to me the words were "There are days when I feel, The best of me is ready to begin, Then there're days when I feel, I'm letting go and soaring on the wind, Cause I've learned in laughter or in pain, How to survive, I get on my knees, I get on my knees, There I am before the love that changes me, See I don't know how but there's power, When I'm on my knees," and it goes on to talk about you can do it anywhere crowded  places or alone. I walked to the middle of my living room and hit my knees in the middle of the floor and asked God to perform a miracle.

About midmonth we had a follow-up with the Pediatric Cardiologist. The doctor said we looked much better this time around seeing as how I wasn't crying uncontrolably. We told him we had a good support system between the Lord and all of our friends and family. He told us they had discovered that the veins that take the blood from the lungs back to the heart to be sent to the rest of the body were not working. This means that instead of being able to wait a few days to do surgery they would have to do it within hours of him being born and he would be in a by-pass machine. This, as I'm sure you can imagine, almost sent me back to the feelings of the first day. The doctor assured me that he was pretty sure there were no other defects to worry about that surgery should go as planned and he would be fine. I had a question I needed answered, how many surgeries like this do the surgens do? The PC said that obviously they don't do this everyday because not everyday there is a baby with this issue but they have done many of these procedures with great success stories. He told us he wants us to meet the Neonatologists who are the people that will be taking Nathan into surgery when he is born and we would arrange a date for that at a later time. I pray that even if we meet them that when the time comes we won't need them because he is healed. Although we got reassured by the PC I left feeling defeated and angry. I just wanted to go in look at the monitor and see that he was healed. I just want him better. I am so tired of stressing while trying to take care of myself and my family, but I know that God doesn't give you more than you can handle and apparently He knows I am strong enough to handle this.